Tuesday, October 20, 2009

To Give Or Not To Give


As promised, today's posting will be my fellow yellow sister Toya from Enjoy, I know I did .. kinda had me scratching my head and feeling away..

Ok Ladies and Gents…this one is for those of you in or considering a relationship (and by considering take it however you want lol).

What is compromising and what is settling? The specific subject…your beliefs. So I am dating and considering where this will lead. Now I am not by far your typical female…I respect my mind and I believe you should as well. Some may call it stubborn, strong-willed, or bull-headed but I like to think I am just very passionate lol. So any man that dares to step up to the plate has to be VERY self confident (matter of fact, I like em a little cocky). Keep this in mind as I unfold the question.

I grew up watching grandparents that worked to build a mini fortune and now in their elderly years are being sucked dried by leeches. My grandmother has a 6th grade education and owns an apartment building, 2 rental properties, and personal property worth more than $750,000 as we speak. She has never owed anyone anything and now that she is older my uncle has taken residence with her and has her in so much debt (hundreds of thousands) that it is affecting her health. On the other side my mother has always been a hard worker and done whatever she could to give her children better than she had. She learned lessons late in life that I am blessed to have received early enough to implement a generational change. She is constantly working to others benefit. My mother works two jobs to be able to get the things that she likes but never takes time to enjoy them. She works around the clock and as if she didn’t the world would stop without her constant diligence. Occasionally, she can be talked into slowing down to “smell the roses” but it has to be well planned and well in advance. More times than not her personal time is spent doing for others.

Then there is me. I feel like life is not guaranteed. You work hard and you should enjoy it along the way. I feel like you need to give back from your blessings and be a blessing to someone else. You save (like my grandmother) so you have something for your future. You work hard (like my mother) and take care of your business and help others when you can. You also spend a little along the way and “smell the roses” along the way. What good is it all if you wait until you are elderly to enjoy your labor? Who is to say that you even make it to tomorrow? The guy in my life right now feels differently. You don’t spend (unless you have a serious savings e.g. $25,000 for every $1,000 you plan to spend), you chose quantity over quality, and you only give to the extent that it doesn’t take away from your savings or potential savings. You do not give 10% of your gross to the church because it is only going into the pastor’s pocket (or someone else’s in the church) and they are not going to help you when you need it. If you had the choice to take 2 weeks off (securing your job in your absence) and your every want was going to be supplied during the trip (spending money included) but you had to pay for the plane ticket- you pick the Virgin Islands for $1,000 instead of Egypt for $3,000 (based on cost only).
What’s the problem you ask? How much do you bend before its considered settling? Am I just stubborn in my ways in thinking that it’s not going to last for us because we have such different beliefs and ways of thinking? Is it going to be an argument every time that I want to splurge (I’m talking every 6 months not weekly or monthly)? Am I going to grow to resent him for not allowing me to enjoy life the way I see fit? What do you say…how much do you bend before you are letting go of yourself? …and when are you just being stubborn?


  1. That's important. You guys want to come to some happy medium b/c just think if you guys got married. Is he gonna sweat you if you treat yourself once every blue moon? That's one of the top 2 reasons relationships fall apart. I'm all for saving and investing but like you, I like to enjoy some of the work I put in to get there. I don't see anything wrong with that.

  2. @ Milan, I see this made you scratch and nodd your head as well?. How about I feel terrible when I spend more than a few dollars on something for myself? I need to get over that lump personally.